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I Never Got That Close

by Old Man

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1.
The Question 03:35
What’s that? That there. In corner, in the chair. Tell them please. A riddle. A joke. Something for you to poke. A mystery. It’s the question that’s on your mind. It’s the question at Christmas time. Won’t you just leave it be? Those clothes. That hair. Collapsed and vacant stare. Just who is he? He hasn’t grown up. He must be so corrupt. A gay junkie. He’s the question that’s on your mind. He’s the question at Christmas time. He lives inside a dream. I’m not the man that you wanted me to be. I tried so hard. But as you can see, I’m just me. I’m the question that’s on your mind. I’m the question at Christmas time. Won’t you stop solving me?
2.
1987 03:30
Summertime '87 I stayed inside. We knew a kid they took off with- and he was never seen again. Summertime '87 I was terrified. I recall hours spent at the child psychologist. The buzzing in the air sounds like the soundtrack playing half my life- the sound of someone tuning in between two stations on the dial. To my surprise '87 I got out alive and told myself not to get pinned down by those things again. Summertime '87 I woke up to find I’d metamorphasized into the very thing I was afraid of… Chorus We just got our wings and we don’t know how to use them. Shed our skin and crawl out to one another. A giant love song is broadcast and then gone. Our giant love song- sing along. (The chorus of the voices in my head…) Summertime I've come back home fully grown and quite content to make my love, and then just disappear again.
3.
Run 02:27
If you could see my soul through my eyes and after exposure there would you say good-bye? And if I could run away, I’d like to leave real soon. And if I could run away, I’d want to run with you. Now I’ve tried real hard to win your affections dear. And I’m no perfect saint. That much is clear. And there are so many things I think that you should see. Equations run through my brain. ‘Cause there’s you and there’s me and there’s us, if you please, forever in time. Will you run with me? Now that you’ve heard all that, what will you do? And forgive my bravado, baby, but all this is true. And if I could run away, I’d like to leave real soon. And if I could run away, you can bet it would be with you.
4.
Petit Mal 05:24
Will someone grab my hand before I hit the ground? I can see no light. I can’t hear a sound. Unconscious, but still awake after the sunshine. A puppet without strings is falling to the floor. These limbs have no mind. This hasn’t happened before. Unconscious, but still awake after the sunshine.
5.
My Blue Room 02:39
Have I shown you my blue room? I used to sleep like a baby ‘til I met you. Now I stay up all night wondering what’s on your mind when you come to take me out of my blue room. Have I shown you my green eyes? You’ve never seen with my glasses off. I never got that close and now I don’t even try- I just let you stay the night in my blue room. I woke up today after you’d gone away. The ceiling caved in on me- I stayed under the covers, covered in dust, in over my head. Why don’t you come and dig me out of my black hole? I'll be waving the big red flag. (Over & over & over…) Have I shown you my gray hair? Happened overnight in my blue room.
6.
Appetite 04:05
The problem as I see it Is that we've already gone too far to talk about dying young and someone believe it. I guess I'm stuck in the middle – It's always the middle of the night… I want this appetite. I know better than to talk with my mouth full of someone else's words when talking to you. I guess we've already gone too far to think about saving something for tomorrow. To talk about splitting what we had together. You left over the things I thought you wanted. Now I want this appetite and not much else. I know better than to go back for more when I haven't even finished what I had before. It's always the middle of night… Why won't this appetite leave me alone? I know better than to think I'm strong when I've always given in just to get along. I know better than to go to you hoping that you know what I'm going through – you've never been hungry for something you knew was wrong.
7.
In a daydream on an afternoon, I close my eyes to forget about you. ‘Cause I’m not gonna make that mistake, again. And I’m not gonna make that mistake, again. And I’m not gonna make that mistake, again anymore. A list of kisses next to bloody lies, enforce the notion of bitten and shy. I feel tired of always playing the part: sacrificial lamb on bad advice. In the distance it seems clearer now. Funny, how it always ends this way. Listen, listen to the coming doubt, playing havoc with the day. Listen close now to what I’ve got to say. ‘Cause this is how it’s all gonna stay. ‘Cause I’m not gonna make that mistake, again. And I’m not gonna make that mistake, again. And I’m not gonna make that mistake, again anymore. In the distance it seems clearer now. Funny, how it always ends this way. Listen, listen to the coming doubt, playing havoc with the day.
8.
One night stand is all I need to get me by now that you’re gone. It won’t be long… You know me; I’ve trouble making heads or tails of where I am & what I do to get me by just gets me down. So I sleep more & more each day in a bed that keeps me up at night- it’s two miles wide & just long enough for me to curl up & die. One night stand’s a little worse for wear but so am I. If you came back for what you left behind, leave behind a little scrap of dignity I won’t know what to do with. One night stand suffices- I just use the same bullshit lines you used to find so charming years ago. Now the table’s turned into a compromise you don’t deserve, a memory of you & me I can’t endure. One night stand is all I need to get me by now that you’re gone. It won’t be long before you’ll want that too… If you came back for what you left behind, don’t forget to kick me while I’m down looking for the changes underneath the happy home you thought to rearrange. I’m finding all the things that I should have put my name on.
9.
You really did it this time. You finally shot yourself in the foot. You can’t run away, can’t run away this time. Don’t look to me to help. I’ve always hated you. Now you’re getting, you’re getting what you deserve. And it comes crashing down all around you. Let’s go back to start. Let’s see how it began. You wore your arrogance like a shiny sheriff’s badge. You stuffed your ears with cotton to block out the advice. Now you’re getting, you’re getting what you deserve. And it comes crashing down all around you. And now I lick my lips to watch you suffer.
10.
Undercover 03:48
Two-bit undercover indecisive lover- I can’t wait for you to make up your mind. You have pilfered proof & you have tampered with the truth. You put everything we had on the line. You cut out my love to watch it bleed – it won’t heal & I don’t think you’ve thought this through. Twice now you’ve apologized for compromising my position – you told everyone my disguise. But you’ve been undercover so long you don't recall all the master plans you had to revise. You unplug my love to watch it die – I won’t try to get you to revive me now. You fucked up my love so much that I don’t recognize it save for all the scars from all the times before you tried to shove it in a box and bury it somewhere that no one could find, but I’ve come back from six feet underground to blow your cover…

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released January 11, 2013

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Old Man Louisville, Kentucky

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